License to Ill (in Class)

I've just completed my TEFL course and with it, my first 15 lessons. Like your typical young teacher, I am exhilirated by teaching. Lesson planning, teaching the whole class, setting up group work, analyzing my shortcomings - the whole thing is tremendously challenging and rewarding. I wrote a whole cheesy essay about it that i won't post here.

Anyways, I've only been teaching for a month, so I'm no expert, but I think the kids have been enjoying my lessons. Basically, I try to make my lessons fun and aligned with a learning goal. While lessons can focus on short writing tasks, reading comp, proper tense usage, etc, much of what we do involves speaking and listening.

Most kids here (even in the western provinces) learn the nuts and bolts of English grammar - but it's sort of like hieroglyphics to them until they're actually made to speak it. This is actually a good thing for me because it means I don't have to spend a whole lot of time teaching complete beginners (which can be quite exhausting work!). Instead, I get to focus on bringing them up to speed for business communications or everyday speech.

For my lesson on sarcasm, the main goal was to have them understand sarcastic intonation and practice speaking. Virtually all Americans are terribly sarcastic, so I felt it was a useful thing to know. 

Anyways, I started by writing three statements on the board - two of them were bland opinions, one was a statement that expressed a highly unlikely opinion (I think I wrote "My favorite thing about Beijing is how smoggy it is.) Then I asked students to point out the sarcastic phrase.

 

Next, I drilled the concept by asking the better students to give me a sarcastic remark 1. when i stepped on their shoe (thank you!) 2. about my ugly yellow watch (wow that's a great watch will!) and some others involving the class (although i made myself the butt of most jokes. BTW, the students were all in their 20's). Then I wrote sentences on the board and asked them to write a sarcastic remark. IE What would you say if you came into my dirty, smelly bedroom? Or What would you say if you had to listen to my loud, annoying music? etc. Shared out, got some very funny remarks. 

This activity led into vocabulary for a dialogue I'd created earlier. When you explain ESL vocab, you don't just give definitions; you've got to get students to understand the concept through guiding questions. IE If I want student to understand the concept of envy, I might start telling a student, "That's a really nice watch you've got. Where did you get it? I'd like to have a watch like that. Maybe I could borrow it sometime... etc" Then I'd ask the students what envy means and (hopefully) use their correct definition. 

Anyways, parts of the dialogue itself derived from an old Beastie Boys song. You may have heard of it - "You've Gotta Fight for Your Right to Party." In the dialogue, we've got a sarcastic son, a sarcastic mom, and a sarcastic dad. I had the students read it over, ask questions, and then I asked them which lines were sarcastic and why. Then I had three strong students act it out, then 3 more, then 3 more.

Here's the scene:

Scene: A kid is listening to loud rap music on the stereo in his dirty bedroom. His mother and father knock loudly on the door.

Dad: Matthew!
Son does not hear, dances around the room.
Mom: Matthew!
Son does not hear.
Mom opens door and puts her hands on her hips. Dad follows Mom.
Mom: WHAT’S THAT NOISE?
Son: (yelling): MOM YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS! IT’S THE BEASTIE BOYS!
Dad turns off the stereo.
Mom: Jealous? Yes, I’m jealous of your excellent taste in music.
Son: I know. You wouldn’t barge in here all the time if you weren’t.
Mom: You should really listen to your music louder. I’ve heard it’s good for your ears.
Son: Very funny, Mom.
Dad: Your room looks great right now. Did you vacuum in here?
Mom: It smells great too. Are you using a new cologne?
Son: Yeah. It’s called “week-old tuna sandwich.”
Dad: Don’t get smart with your mother, mister! You’re cruisin’ for a brusin’!
Son: Sorry, Mom
Dad: That’s it! Clean your room right now!
Son moves very slowly to pick up a shirt off the ground.
Mom: Slow down, you’re working so fast you might hurt yourself.
Dad: Yeah don’t strain yourself.
Son fakes an injury.
Son: Owww my back!
Dad: You have until 7 pm to make this place cleaner than a soap factory. If you don’t do it, we’re signing you up for the army and you’re going to Iraq.
Mom: And another thing: I’ll kick you outta my home if those are the clothes you’re gonna wear
Dad: And I’ll kick you outta my home if you don’t CUT THAT HAIR!
Son drops jaw.

I had a few minutes left, so I played the song for them and passed out the lyrics. It was a fun day.

We studied how to use continuous tenses the next day, I swear.

Success At Last!! (I hope)

Firewalls be damned. I have stupid photos to post. Let's hope this works...

Such as this one. Do you see the Millenium Falcon on top of the recently burned Death Star? I can make out Luke dueling with Vader up there. I think Vader is winning.

Or this one. I think this guy closely resembles Mark, hungover and demanding "WHO STOLE MY IPOD?!?"

Another Star Wars character, probably on the way to the CCTV tower. I'm bringing dozens of these masks back to the USA. They're gonna be HUGE.

Abe Coon sighting.

Lost this one to Renee, my guide at the Capital Musuem and an English student of mine.

It's a little embarrassing to get your butt kicked by someone who's talking on a cell phone. The tea was nice.

Let the Kanye West jokes commence.

More to come...

From the Hai to the Jing

A week ago, I was shipped like a cheap DVD player from Shanghai to Beijing. Apparently the Shanghai course didn't have enough studentssigned up for it or something (I was the only one). So on the day the course was set to begin, they told me that I would be moved to Beijing"at some time in the future." Like a good comrade, I didn't fuss about being on a need-to-know basis. I wound up being told my flight info about 12 hours before my flight. The good news was that I got a week off to explore Beijing. Some highlights:

- I successfully convinced some Chinese students that Duck Flu was aninfectious disease that turns you into a zombie (they were olderstudents, so I wasn't being mean).

- I saw a Chinese band play Mariachi music.

- I might go see a Chinese band play reggae this weekend

- I might also take a 10 hour train to Inner Mongolia.

- You can buy a noodle burrito or a pineapple on a stick virtually anywhere in this city at any time. The noodle burrito isn't as good as it sounds...

- When I got here, the TEFL company put me up in the dirtiestapartment in Beijing. Ok maybe that's exaggerrating, but it lookedlike 1018 Garnett after a pa -- anytime between 09/04-06/05. Then the electricity went out. As promised, they paid the electricity bill (so I was only living by candlelight for 3 nights). However, they have not yet sent a cleaning lady.

- A woman ran into me on her bicycle, but I'm ok. In China, bikes andmopeds simply do not stop - ever. Nor do cars that are turning stopfor pedestrians - ever. Predictably, China has 10 times more traffic accidents per mile than the USA. I think it's a rite of passage for foreigners to get hit by bikes - virtually every expat I've met here has some story about getting hit by a biker.

Why I Now Carry A Man Purse

Two weeks back, my Mom sent me an email about toilet paper in China. I was at the Shanghai library when I read it:

"I hope I don't sound nutty - but I don't think they flush toilet paper down the toilet in China. Maybe you can ask an English speaker."

Now, in my dorm, we have fully functional toilets, so i brushed offyour advice. I promptly signed off and went down the hall to the bathroom, sat down and did my business. Then i noticied it -- there was no toilet paper in the stall. Nor was there any toilet paper in any of the other stalls -- not even paper towels by the sink. Just anair drier. A bit flustered, I texted my buddy to ask him what I should do. He quickly responded "Use Communist Lit." A great idea, but unfortunately the stacks were closed; only the internet room was stillopen. So i left, duckwalked around the city for about 15 minutes until I came upon an Irish pub that was open. There I discovered my holy grail. Long story short, I now carry around a roll of toilet paper wherever I go, in my backpack (or manpurse). Anyways, I've figured out that most places have toilet paper -- you're just not supposed to flush it down the toilet; you toss it in the trash instead. But the library was special. It's only open for about4 hours a day and they don't have any paper whatsoever. Imagine that - communists cutting costs on libraries.

Dorm Life

When I first arrived in Shanghai, I was staying in a dorm that was slightly more accomodating than Bobb-McCulloch at Northwestern (notsaying much, I know). My single room on the 13th floor of a student dormitory at East China University of Science & Technology was pretty nice.

Apparently the 13th floor has some bad luck associated with it- that's why the Chinese tend to place the international students there. How welcoming - as if the 50 ft Mao statue at the base of my dorm wasn't enough. Besides the midnight curfew (which I broke 80% ofthe time), the announcements and horrible music that blares through loudspeakers at 9 am, and the occasional strange odor, my room was fantastic. Really. I had my own bathroom, complete with a shower, sink and functional toilet; My twin bed came fitted with sheets and blankets; I even had my own deck where I can see hundreds of apartmentbuildings, an expressway and a giant Ferris wheel.

The strangest part of the campus, though, was the music they played through the loudspeakers. If anyone has ever played Final Fantasy or a Japanese video game from the early 1990's, this is what it sounded like. Not bad, just very strange to hear at odd hours of the day.

Actually the strangest part of the campus might have been the washing machine. It had a simple warning on it: "Do not use the washing machine in the wrong way and save water." Fine enough, I'm all for proper usage of appliances and conservation. The only problem was that the directions for this device were entirely in Chinese. I stared at thething for awhile and then walked away, befuddled.